Never has a candidate running for president come out of nowhere quite like Rick Santorum. “I’m
gonna do what I have to do to get my message out” was his motto since day one, and you have to
give him credit for what he’s been able to accomplish with very little money or name recognition.
You should also respect his hard work no matter what your political affiliation. He has been
up at dawn every day for over a year and doesn’t waste time having sex other than to procreate.
“Never will you have to question my conservative principles,” he recently said at a debate. “I’m
gonna always stick up for the values that made this Country great!” We’ll see if primary voters
let him get away with vague talking points, or if they start to really question his record. I think
you really sell yourself short as a voter if you don’t analyze all the facts. Are the Republicans
down with pork spending? Tim Pawlenty said Rick Santorum is, so it’s probably true.
Never start three paragraphs in a row with the same word. It’s just a good rule for life if you’re
gonna try to be a professional writer, ok? Let’s take a look back at Senator Santorum’s historic
run for the Republican nomination: He hadn’t had a lot of success since Iowa but he hung
around long enough for the “Anyone but Mitt” vote to swing in his direction. Colorado, Missouri,
and Minnesota all went for Santorum last week. Many are now calling on Newt Gingrich to
desert his campaign and endorse Santorum as the only viable conservative candidate. I think
you would have been shocked if I had told you a month ago this is how things would shake out.
“Never in a million years!” You probably would have said to me. ”There is no way that you’re
gonna sit here and tell me that Santorum will overtake Newt as the conservative candidate! I’ll
make you a bet for $10,000!” And then I would have said, “Listen Mitt, I know $10,000 for
you is just chump change but I can’t really afford to be making bets like that. If I lost I would
cry and my wife would leave me. Not so much because of the money, I’ve put on weight recently.”
Never bet against Mitt Romney. Momentum may not be on his side right now, but I’m sure he’s
gonna fight back. Santorum better be ready for an onslaught of negative ads that are going to
say all sorts of nasty things about him. Things have been cordial so far but you can kiss that
goodbye going forward. Romney is not going down without a fight.
Never heard of a Super PAC? These organizations, financed by a few wealthy contributors, are
gonna play a huge role in this election. Thanks to the Supreme Court, Mccain and Feingold can’t
tell the PACs how much money they can spend on elections, which is just as well because as
a follower of politics I can tell you nobody wanted to listen to those guys anyway. Now TV Ads can
lie with impunity, which is a big risk for Santorum. Romney’s Super PAC is very well financed
and there are so many funny things you could make up about Santorum like the time he
hurt himself falling out of the bed because he was dreaming he was kissing a guy but
you know everyone has that dream from time to time right Rick? It doesn’t mean, you know…
So the question really becomes: Is this the face of our next president?
Answer: No, that is a hilarious monkey.
Question #2: Is THIS the face of our next president?
Answer: Click here to find out
